my darkest coldest week

a few weeks ago i found myself a few thousands miles south of home in patagonia, argentina and along the way i stopped to check out the perito moreno glacier. to those who never been, the experience is nothing short of magnificent, one that will definitely live with me forever. i remember how the ice fell, tiny bits at first. but as those pieces slowly began to fall, bigger and bigger ones also began to drop. the crowds quickly took notice and they all gathered with cameras raised high. they waited and waited, i waited but nothing happened; the ice held. so the people left and went about their business.


i stayed.
i just knew that there was no way in hell that mountain of ice was going to hold. i waited and nothing, i couldn't believe it! i studied the area closely, the pattern in which the ice fell, where the ice was chipping away from, saw how dark and dirty the ice around the area had become, this had to be it. all around me i could hear the gasps of others as more ice mounds fell into the murky lake. i was not impressed



 i waited and waited and began to lose hope that this was ever going to happen. but then the sun came out of the clouds, it was gentle and warm. the sun's rays must've helped because soon after this 60-ft wall began to fall. the sound was so loud and it created mini tsunamis across the lake. the awe was short-lived though, i don't know it all just became so sad to me. who knows for how long this giant sheet of ice had been standing for. it just seemed so depressing at the time to see it go under. soon after as the dirty wall laid waste in the murk, my eyes were instantly drawn to what was now before me. there was a new wall with no dirt with no imperfections, it was clear and pure. in it was one of the most beautiful blues that i had ever seen and i just could not get over it. the glow was unreal.


magnificent as all of this was, the foreshadowing of it all is even greater and it is now that i clearly see God's hand in all of it. two weeks ago my life began to slowly crumble and fall into a cold and lonely abyss. it felt as if the pieces would never stop chipping away but eventually the mountain inside of me came crashing down and with it my selfish and stubborn heart, the hate, everything, it all went down.

seven days ago i didn't know what kind of man i was going to be. i was in a dark place, i was alone and the lights were definitely out. so i did what i was taught as a young boy, i got on my knees and i prayed. the God of my youth, the one who would miraculously provide me with random rides back home from late night football practices, the one who kept me safe on a 10-hour train ride from kiev to odessa, the one who didn't let me drown and let the rip current take me away in busan, the one who had me be 10 minutes late to my lunch and miss the cross-hairs of the lax shooter, this same God began to do his mighty work in me. He is my master Surgeon and the only one that could ever get me through this.

i don't deserve the amount of grace that's been given to me but i'm definitely not mad about it. its easy to focus on what's on the outside but looking beyond and seeing what truly matters, what glows and what will last forever, that's what it's all about.
if you know me, keep me in your prayers, if you don't then please start and add me to your line-up. i most def need it