31, for what its worth

31
it was a hell of a ride
but i would also like to say sorry.
for a minute it seemed like i would never sleep on my own bed and i'll admit that it began to wear.
some beds were comfortable but others were slabs of cold porcelain. 
im not complaining.
i chose the life and i've given up alot to be missing the simple vanity of a comfy bed;
although its nice. 

the last breath i remember taking was back in february
when i hopped on a flight to kona, 
then galapagos, 
san blas islands came next and so on. 
i met some amazing people along the way, some that i'll probably catch up with later in life.

thats kind of how it works. i meet amazing people in crazy circumstances, bond over drink and travel and we say our "catch you on the next one"
at that the moment i find myself inside drinking tea in my beautiful los angeles and it feels strange.
i haven't been home for my birthday in years. 
the feeling is strange but feel good knowing that im going to see my family tonight. 
31
for what its worth, you made me into a stronger man. ive grown the courage and ability to say no to the wrong jobs, bad relationships and youve affirmed that i can do whatever i put my mind to. 
im going to miss you, for some reason 32 definitely feels so much serious. 
i guess we will have to see 

inside the heart of the angkors

the AM hours were still shrouded in darkness.
im not sure who's alarm went off first but the journey into the mystic angkors of siem reap was finally here and although the sun remained chained,
we knew that in just a few hours its fiery wake would have no mercy.

i can still remember the unseen heat of dawn invading my every pore, hiding in every obscure corner.
our tour guide spoke softly as our van speared through the morning's muggy dew. bun made us aware of the beauty and many hazards of these ancient angkors

but my senses slowly began to drift into the nothing that stares from the other side of the glass.
time drags its fingers across the unseen jungle reminding me of its presence.

darkness finally loosens its grip and faint shadows reveal an exhausted jungle. the pulse of these ancient cities are projected through the cicada,
which at this very moment warn the jungle of intruders.
the van finally stops and i have a strong feeling that i dont belong here.

nevertheless we press on and make our approach through the less popular eastern gate.
massive trees along with broad canopies stand side by side making it difficult for dawn's light to pierce through.

sunrise is moments away and already i can feel the heat rising like the impending blast of hiroshima.


i arrive at the point where east meets the western gate crowd.
i marvel and hang on the outer edges of angkor watt; the moat perfectly catching the reflection of its towers along with the delicate pink hue from above. this moment is holy
and will forever remain so
the thick jungle in the backdrop hides the horizon but i know the chains have fallen.
i am inside the heart of the angkors. 

Cambodia, it's about time

I don't know where I left off. It's been a while since I've worked up the courage to write again. For no apparent reason really, I guess I hate the feeling of writing again and then stopping halfway through like I normally do. I'll try and not do that again. 

Cambodia is on the horizon; quite literally, my flight is on initial descent and I can see it from my window seat. Michelle and I are less than an hour from landing and both of us have no clue what to expect. I've never been to Cambodia and the forecast calls for thunderstorms, high humidity and 90 degree weather, which means that Michelle is going to have a blast. I personally don't know what expect but I'm excited to again be in a situation that calls for growth and understanding.

just passing through guayaquil

*** 2/26/17

it's 8:30pm and i'm currently in the city of guayaquil inside a cuban piano bar on the outer rim of las peñas district. i just finished a 2-hour trek surveying the countless steps and dim lit alleyways of las peñas, which let me just say are countless. it's easy dismiss these alleyways as only just such; these are the front door porches of the people who live in these favela like mounds of cinderblock and rebar, which at that moment i was intruding. kids and young lovers conducted their business as i interjected my dark and sweaty mass of flesh through their world, but thankfully my parents taught me my native tongue and even though the years have chipped away at it, it still manages to get the job done.

i'm glad i made it to the top of las peñas because this club negra would've tasted a little less satisfying. why am i in guayaquil? funny story, i'm already supposed to be in galapagos but being the smart that i am, i booked myself on a flight with a 20 minute connection. did i mention that i was a smart man? deep down i knew that i probably wasn't going to going make it but thought why not give it a shot. that's been kind of my mantra most of my life and it doesn't seem like i'll be letting it go anytime soon. 

well, it seems like the mediocre piano player is getting warmed up now and with that i hold up my glass. 

2017 on a rainy friday

this morning began with a downpour of what do you call it again? oh yeah, rain. lots of it;

at least for southern california standards, which isnt much really.
and due to this wet element, i knew i wouldnt be able to drive anywhere remotely far from home so i finished watching season one of westworld and wow what a show.
i dragged myself out of bed and grabbed some lunch. it wasnt the healthiest choice and felt like a total heff so i decided to walk it off. the sky was still falling and so i asked myself where?
i didnt have to look further than the shopping center i was currently in to find the answer: costco
for the next 2 hours i weaved through every single isle of that business costco looking at paper plates, industrial size sinks, pallets full of candy/water/jerky/...etc.
i stepped inside the freezer and played it cool, literally. i didnt grab a jacket from the entrance and instantly regretted it. i walked around, took a keen liking at the ox tails pretending i was going to make a big purchase when all i was interested at were the hummus & greek yogurt packs. i began to do the math and thought about how much i spend during the week for food and i was astounded at how much more i can get if only i pre-planned and came to costco at the beginning of the week. thats when it hit me that im getting old. here i am walking around costco thinking of the steps i was getting on my pedometer, the money i could be saving on food, all the meals my non-existent wife & i could be making for the little bastards running around house but then younger early 20-year old inside of me stepped in and snapped me out of that weird loop. he then dragged me to this coffee bean where i ordered myself a medium dark roast accompanied with 2 bailey shooters. needless to say,  i feel good another year, another january and another new beginning. i dont know where 2017 will lead me but i sure hope that its far removed from 2016.