a strange summer

it came like the big one

like the night thief you never expect
this summer came packaged in many ways
which i can’t quite put it into words

but something deep was happening.

i don’t know how but summer changed me
i flew across the atlantic to a place id long been 

avenues, alleys and churches recognized me
and after a decade of weathering i saw a familiar face
a younger, a cleaner version of myself
but i couldnt fill the gap, what would i say

that this strange land will forever change you
so i watched and decided to let him figure it out.
this clarity is haunting, i cant stop thinking about it

it's eating me from within that your face will soon be hollow

for all these words feel numb
they now are part of this alien world with no meaning
but i haven't really followed through and im sorry.

im walking in circles in the foolish comfort
that your thin lips would remain the same
but i know that is no longer true
and as much as id like to ping it
im finally going to let this pillar of salt fade   

because i can't connect with what i feel

knowing full well that there is no poetry that exists
in explaining what it is to know you.

spirit of the season

i live in a city where i hardly sense the changing of the seasons. for the most part things are relatively warm to scorching hot with a mild sprinkle of relative cold. things hardly change and ive always been a fan. but while our weather might not change as much, life does.
there is no forecast model, doppler or radar that can detect the next catastrophe.
life always finds a way to remind us that change isn't something simply confined by the falling of the leaves; that when you least expect it life will burst in and rudely remind you to buckle up.

last night, as my family and i finished eating and celebrating my little sister's 13th bday, we got news that my grandma's husband, (practically my grandfather) tony was shot 3 times in front of his house. he made it to the front porch where my grandma brought him in and called the paramedics. over the last 3 years my grandma has been in & out of the hospital and she's had a few operations for a weak heart. a few hours after the shots rang my grandma had a minor heart attack but luckily she was already at the hospital. nonetheless things did not look good.

a few days ago we were all eating thanksgiving dinner at the house. tony, eating like it was his last meal. grandma making 3 different batches of tamales. my sisters and brother in law joking with each other and telling stories with my parents. now i'm here seeing it all play in my head and i cant help but think that all of this will also pass. in the midst of this calamity i need to remind myself that God is in control and that He is good. He also speaks through these circumstances and so here goes & comes another season of change. 

summer spills and fall

i woke up from a nap that i really didnt need. i tried justifying it by the 11-hour flight i took this morning. the korean air flight from seoul to la went by quick but my friend michelle would say otherwise. im not sure how long i have to the next job/trip but for now im just glad to be home.

its been a strange summer and it doesnt feel like its over. i didnt have much sound work early on and i really cant register anything of significance happening at the airport. but then the work began to flow and a few trips began to take shape and form, which leads me to the middle of fall.

the summer whirlwind has softened and now i type. i didnt write much this summer. part of me would like to blame it on work but that wasnt it. i was and still am trying to work out some of the current and past friendships/relationships. the passion and inspiration has been lacking but not for long 

and somehow i ended up in haiti

mike and i landed in port-au-prince, haiti yesterday morning and spent the whole day speaking with UNDP leadership about the best way to document their progress with the haitians. we got some good contacts, took care of some logistics and now it's day 2. in a few moments we're going to start our 10-hour drive to Jeremie and it seems like we're in for a rough journey. but it ain't as bad when you have a morning view like this.

- merci 

summer-rut of 16'

the dreaded coffee shop is where i find myself again trying to accomplish adult things like organizing and prepping for the upcoming week but in between my serious attempts i easily get distracted at my disorganized itunes/google play music library. i migrated my pimsleur portuguese lessons to google play 2 years ago but most of the metadata came out whack and so for the past hour instead of getting my website going, my portuguese language is finally sorted out and maybe one day it might finally come to fruition. this whole summer has been somewhat of wash with a mix of old and new opportunities, aspirations, emotions, disappointments, much of the same in different wrapping. i haven’t written much and there lies the root so here goes. i also received my brand spankin’ new passport last week. 

im actually feeling much better. ok, on to adult things

Fireflies and Chicago

The last time I saw a firefly I was sitting outside the patio of a hostel in Tirana, Albania. I was halfway through the episode where *** game of thrones season 6 spoiler alert*** hodor dies and boom from the corner of my eye there they were. 

It is 9pm and I'm currently in the windy city of Chicago, Illinois. It is hot, humid and everywhere I go I seem to be surrounded by tatted up hipsters and joggers; pretty much LA but without as many d-bags (debatable). 

I landed about 3 hours ago and during this time span I hopped on the CTA to Logan's square and successfully found the keys to my friend's apartment, somehow managed to find the worst chinese fast food in Chicago, walked about 2 miles around LS admiring the fireflies while trying to calm the upset stomach from said shitty chinese food, walked into coffee shop/bar and ordered two brothers' cane and ebel red rye ale, and proceeded to relieve myself of the evil that the shitty chinese food did to my stomach. 

My friends from LA are flying in tomorrow but I decided to get here a day before for no particular reason other than I had the day off, I didn't want to be home, and gave me an extra day to catch up with my friend Deisy who I don't follow on instragram. 

I'm here till Sunday and the plan calls for day drinks, bratts, bbq, cubs baseball, music and a viewing of the movie titanic starring leonardo di caprio at the park.  

31 in bozeman

I can't remember the last time I spent a birthday in LA - I think I was in my mid-twenties - but the older I get the less important they seem to become. The importance of these yearly milestones have shifted to the people I've met in-between, which brings me to the cast & crew of the short film I worked on Willow Creek Road.

Last month I recorded sound in the beautiful state of Montana. The producer and AD, Jon and Josh picked me up from the airport and brought me to Lauri's. Lauri had kindly opened her beautiful house to the whole crew where I was lucky enough to have my own room. Sort of 

I really didn't mind my porcelain roommates partly because I was exhausted by the time I stepped into that room. Looking back now it seems crazy how we all managed fit in that house. Every member of our crew played a vital part in making the production a success. It didn't hurt that a lot of them were big game of thrones fans, which made for a great viewing of the season 6 finale. 

All of the good vibes made for a sad goodbye. 

On the last day everyone had early AM flights so by the time I woke up the house was empty with the exception of our 1st AC, Andy who I had worked with on a previous gig in LA. I can still remember the eerie calm of that morning as we sat in the living room and waited for Lauri to take us to the airport.

I'm 31 now. Nothing really has changed and I'm not sure if that's good or bad. Maybe it's a little bit of both? I don't know. I can't believe I still haven't finished this post. Adios 

Tripping through the Balkans (pt.4)

It doesn't feel like 2 1/2 weeks, it feels much longer than that; like I lived a quasi life out here. I got my first taste of the Balkans a few years ago via Belgrade, Serbia but till now I thought that it was a Serbian thing. Well, it turns out that it isn't. I always knew that this place was special but I didn't know to what extent. 

I dragged my feet but eventually I made it out of Ohrid with an unexpected stop in the capitol of Macedonia: Skopje. I met the owner of the hostel Nena, a 6'2" broad-shoulder bearded beast of a man and aspiring actor. He gave us a tour of the city and the ridiculous amount of statues that surround the center and then he took us to a local restaurant. We broke bread and then Nena shared his dreams of coming to LA and making it big as an actor, his two daughters, and the other obscure jobs he has. It was late into the night when we began to walk back to the hostel. A tiny car pulled up behind us, I naturally tensed up but it was Nena's other job. He said his goodbye and quickly sped off into the night.

The next morning Andrew hopped on a bus to Thessaloniki and Danny and I took another to Sofia. That was 3 days ago. My time here Bulgaria has been chill but I feel like my mind body and soul know that my time here has come to an end. A few hours ago I had to say goodbye to Danny, a complete stranger I knew nothing about a week ago but now I feel like I gained a Dutch/Chinese brother, along with another French/Serbian and English brother. Can't forget about my Turkish and German/Italian sister that I left bedhind in Ohrid or my other Montenegro brothers Urosh and Danilo, and the crazy Swiss-French Sebastian who I met up with here in Sofia. 

Sofia, you seem like an amazing city but you've caught me at a rocky time. I appreciate your city and its beautiful lasagna layers of culture, architecture and people but I'm feeling a little blue at the moment. But it's Friday night and I'm planning to shake those blues away because something tells me that this isn't goodbye.

Tripping through the Balkans (pt.3)

For the moment it seems as if time has softened its grip; every memory from this place is all jumbled together like one long day. Its been 5 days since I crossed the Albanian-Macedonia border. I was supposed to leave yesterday but here I am contemplating another. 

To say that Ohrid is a special place would be a huge understament. 

I don't want to leave. This whole place feels like one big postcard and the people I've met here have placed a huge accent on the back of that card. 

We didn't stay long at Sunny Lake Hostel, there was nothing wrong but when we heard about Robinson's Sunset House I knew that we had to stay there. When we got to Robinson's all we saw was a rocky hill that led into the forest. I kept scanning the lot and there it was, carved into the mountain 100 feet up. The hike was tough especially with all my gear but when we finally made it to the top it was all worth it. 

Again, all of that seems like such a lifetime ago. Misha and his father have created something beautiful up here and I'm not just talking about the accommodations. From the canoes down by the lake, or the homemade rakja that never seemed to end each night, Robinson's Sunset House will forever be etched into my memory.  

I'm currently sitting on the balcony right in front of my room and still I can't believe this view. There is about 20 more minutes of sunlight. There's a gentle breeze blowing from the west, the sound of waves crashing down below, and a few sighs coming from deep within my soul. Tomorrow the group will disperse, I will go to Bulgaria, some to Greece, others Albania, and a few will stay here. 

Macedonia: 

I don't have the right words to describe you. They seem lost maybe somewhere along the trails below your mountains or possibly floating down your tiny ocean. Till then I will continue to search and maybe next time I'm here I'll be able to find them. 

h'vala

Tripping through the Balkans (pt.2)

The distance between Podgorica and Tirana is 130 kilometers, which is roughly 81 miles. Back in LA I can travel this in little over an hour; it's a different story in the Balkans. It took almost 6 hours on bus and all I kept thinking about was this.

I arrived in Tirana 4 days ago and in the course of writing this entry yesterday morning, two exhausted Aussies walked into the hostel and naturally we began to chat. 2 hours went by, we spoke of our travels and I found out why they were so exhausted. It turns out that they had just taken a 24-hour bus ride from Athens to Tirana and as our warm homecooked breakfast - omelets, fresh cheese, peach marmalade and toast - was brought to us, the look on their faces was priceless.

I began to tell them about Tirana and how originally I was going to spend only a night but then I told them how thankful that I didn't. I told them that the city is small, very walkable, nothing really that'll blow your mind; not so quite like 
Podgorica but in the same neighborhood. Having said that, again it all comes down to the people. It doesn't seem like it at first because frankly they're also looking at you in the same manner but the Albanians and Albania is still getting warmed up to tourism, which is why its such a great & exciting time to be here. People are very inviting if you give them a chance and that's what I did and what I'll continue to do.

As I begin to wrap this entry I sit on the top balcony of Sunny Lake Hostel, sipping some warm joe, seeing another beautiful sunrise over the mountains.

The location: Ohrid, Macedonia. The journey to this place involved another bus ride (not so long this time) to podgarec, then hopped on a cab to the Albania-Macedonian border where we literally walked across, and then finally waited for a city bus that took us through the mountains and finally here in the early evening.
 From the little that I've walked I can only use one word to describe this place, mystical: the lake, the mist, the thick green algae on the shore, the strewn and abandoned boats laying side by side, the tall mountains in the back, yeah mystical sounds about right and today I'll get to see the full extent of it. 

I had no idea that this trip was going to bring me through the Balkans but that's the beauty of traveling with a blank boarding pass. God is good and I'm very fortunate to be having these moments, 

God bless!

Tripping through the Balkans (pt.1)

Sleep has been something of an elusive chase as it usually is during these kind of trips. The 13-hour flight from Los Angeles to Istanbul went smooth but things got crazy in Turkey as I only had less than 40 minutes to connect to my gate to Montenegro. If it wasn't for the kind kelp of the Turkish Air transfer desk lady who gave me my seat but also gave me that dreaded look, the one which I've come to know of very well I probably would've slept in the airport that night. She looked at her wrist watch, made a call, heavy Turkish was exchanged and then she said "go, fast!" She took me to the front of the security checkpoint, wished me luck and waived goodbye.

 All that mess seems like such a lifetime ago. 

It's currently morning and I'm sitting inside a living room in Tirana, Albania after spending the last 4 days in Podgorica, Montenegro. When I tell other travelers how long I stayed in PG they give me a strange look "4 days, really?!...in Podgorica?" Yep, 4 days. 

The truth is that nobody should ever stay longer than 1-2 day in Podgorica. There's really nothing to note, nothing that'll have you blowing up your instagram/snapchat other than a few raggedy old dogs, a futuristic looking bridge, and the delicious burgers from Rostilj Perper.
I say this and yet it only took a few human connections to make it a great place to break bread with the locals and find that it takes but a few Beatles and Fleet Foxes jams to relate and enjoy laughs together. 

This is when Urosh and his younger brother Danilo came into my life. 

I cant honestly tell you how i came to meet Urosh. I had already befriended Sebastian, a Crazy Swiss-French who was staying at my hostel. It just so happened to be the eve of Montenegro's 10-zear independence, Sebastian and I were both coming out of Berlin and we somehow caught wind that the next place to be at was District. We never found it but being the loud Swiss-French that he is, Sebastian began to make friends along the way. the next thing I remember is this gentle Sasquatch of a man walking alongside giving us a tour of the city at 3am. We walked so much but it didn't matter, we kept cracking jokes till the sun rose and promised to hang later that night. Hours later I woke explosions and for a second I wasn't quite sure where I was. It slowly came to me as I saw the fireworks overhead 

Sebastian and David came downstairs shortly after, then we headed back to Berlin, where Urosh's younger brother Danilo was DJ.It was a repeat of the night before this time with a bigger crew. we were invited to a friend's apartment in the outskirts of town.

Things got a little dodgy as some of the guys in the group brought out their favorite recreational drug of choice; at one point of the night we were also waiting for a drop? I don't know, it all got kind of cloudy but we ended the night as we hung from the 5th story of an incomplete balcony as the sun rose behind us and the moon set behind the mountains and hills in front. 

Danilo began to strum the guitar and played a few ballots, then we began to walk back to our hostel. Urosh and Danilo took us to eat breakfast and then we said our goodbyes.

Sadly it was to be the first of a string of many goodbyes I've already made on this trip but that's the nature of traveling. You meet people, you get thrown into these crazy, fish out of water situations and you quickly build bonds. Urosh and Danilo, you've made a Mexican brother and you will always have a home in Los Angeles. 

Now to get a home in Los Angeles...

in the span

the phrase “if i could only go back” has been thrown many times.

my question: well, how long? ten years? five years? 

how about a month, just one gregorian month. 

in the span of this month the world i’ve come to know during these past 8 years has been rocked 

and although my faith remains unmoved, alot of silt has been dredged from beneath me;

unproductive topsoil blown away. maybe its a good thing.

if someone took me back to april 1st, 2016 and sat me across a cloaked stranger revealing the things i now know id shout bullshit; BULLSHIT! 

now if that person revealed himself to be my future self then that’d be insane. 

there’d be so many questions but i (future self) really wouldn’t be able to say much;

the only advantage id have would be a month’s worth of insight. 

then things would get awkward, primarily because wow time travel and you know…

but soon afterwards my awe would turn into shock as the life i’d come to love and know would soon be gone.

it was 4am when the first shots rang. the words all sounded hollow as i read the email in the darkness

a few weeks ago alaska airlines bought virgin america; none of us saw this coming but there it was all over the news and social media.

this merger between alaska and virgin wasn’t just business, it was people’s lives. 

as much as our CEO david cush tried to justify it, it was just too good of a deal to pass up and just like that we were sold like a cheap trick.

its been a strange and bizarre past few weeks. so many changes that are coming our way 

and it really hasn’t sunk in yet. the words don’t come out easy but it feels like i’ve been given up, abandoned, orphaned. 

i was really hoping that virgin would be the first and only airline that id work for but it doesn’t seem like that is going to happen. but change, thats life. 

in the span of a week

these last seven days i've flown quite a bit. los angeles to new jersey, then onwards to edinburgh, then right back down the same way to los angeles. i then flew to san francisco for a sound gig and now im getting ready to fly to new york for a weekend of tribeca madness. im tired, im slightly tipsy, and i have no idea how im still awake. im hoping that i get some sleep on this redeye, which for those who know me know that it's not a difficult thing. lots of nerves and excitement are running through me and im just glad and extremely thankful to my Creator that i have the ability to enjoy all of the blessings given to me. 

and finally the clouds broke

i havent been in vancouver for more than 48 hours and already i was beginning to doubt the existence of our nearest star. my fears were put to rest today as the sun finally showed its glorious face. it didnt come out in the full southern california splendor that im usually accustomed to, no it was more of a gentle seductive tease with clouds lingering behind covering just enough but by late afternoon the clouds were tossed to the side and the sun was out.

i had just met with dwayne earlier in the morning in the city of new westminster, which is about 40 minutes away from downtown vancouver. dwayne works as an a/v tech for douglas college, which is where we met-up. we chatted a bit and then he showed me around his department and all of his cool audio gear. finally we got to the heart of it: the craigslist comeup. i tested the comtek transmitter, receiver and plugged in dougs ipod for signal; it was all gravy. the deal was done

it was 2:30pm and i was on a different bus this time headed to trew audio. i was looking to make another sound purchase when i saw that the sun was finally out. i quickly looked up the time of sunset and it had it at 5:27pm. i did the math and i had to make a choice: buy another piece of sound gear or get off and hop on another bus in hopes to see a vancouver sunset. it was tough choice.
sounds like im out of control but im not, its just that the canadian dollar is pretty weak right now or is it that the american dollar is strong?
i dont know but what i do know is that tomorrow is never promised and if today were to be my last, id like to know that i saw a great sunset.

i ran out of the bus and luckily i was few blocks away from the express 257 bus that sends you north about an 1 hour and 40 something minutes to a neat town called horseshoe bay.
the bus dropped me off in a random turnabout in a residential neighborhood. 2 kilometers of downhill walking later and i finally found what i was looking for. 

craigslist come-up: vancouver

i just arrived in seattle a few moments ago and things are barely beginning to make sense. i had the whole row on the flight up here and the last thing i remember is the retreating santa monica shore line. the past 3 days ive worked 16-hour shifts so i dont know how i even managed to get up this morning. my alarm went off at 4am, the second at 4:35am and after changing my mind a thousand times i finally got myself up, showered, packed and hit the road. 

if you know me you know that i love my sleep. i cherish my sleep dearly so why you might ask would i subject myself to so much misery. well, 

if theres one thing i do love more or equally as much is finding a great deal. oh, and travel, travel also. so when these three passions of mine come together its a beautiful thing. unfortunately sleep had to take one for the team but its all good; ive never been to vancouver and i keep hearing great things. 

the remnants of jonas

last night as my flight from cleveland began to climb above the cold remnants of jonas, i took a glance at my google calendar to realize how little of january i had left. 

had it really been 3 weeks?

i spent most of it living inside a cuban bubble mixing sound in the beautiful city of havana but now that ive been back i keep trying to pick up the fresh scent of 2016 slowly realizing that its gone and that the year has marched on ahead of me.

i sat on my non-reclining middle seat with these thoughts. i tried to sleep them away but i couldnt. i found that i had several podcasts saved on my phone and for the next few hours i began to listen to the kind, gentle, and wise words of alistair begg and r.c. sproul. ironically both of them were speaking on the futility of life and both were teaching from the book of ecclesiastes. the term living under the sun was thrown around, which simply states that without purpose everything we as human beings do and acquire is meaningless; that in essence we are all just useless passions.

https://www.truthforlife.org/resources/sermon/the-search-for-satisfaction/
http://renewingyourmind.org/broadcasts/2015/09/01/vanity-of-vanity

useless passions? seems kind of harsh. well, it can be but luckily we all have a hope and its found in Christ. apart from Him we are all left to our own devices, which according to the author of ecclesiastes all leads to vanity of vanities. most of the tough and painful lessons that ive learned were all caused by my own vanity.
it was great to hear sproul and begg put things into perspective and as we began our initial descent the rumblings inside my soul began to settle. it seemed like a few moments later but as i drove on the 105 i began to think of 2016 and the path that was laid before me, which at the moment was the on-ramp to the 710 freeway.

one step at a time 

unfinished business: cuba

6 months and a new year later and i'm back in miami international getting ready to board a flight to the island. there's unfinished business for the amigo skate crew and for the next two weeks we're going to try and unravel what the impact of the lifting of the us cuba embargo has done to the local skate scene and in a greater scheme the people. i'm excited to sweat & break bread with my good cuban kin.