Cambodia, it's about time

I don't know where I left off. It's been a while since I've worked up the courage to write again. For no apparent reason really, I guess I hate the feeling of writing again and then stopping halfway through like I normally do. I'll try and not do that again. 

Cambodia is on the horizon; quite literally, my flight is on initial descent and I can see it from my window seat. Michelle and I are less than an hour from landing and both of us have no clue what to expect. I've never been to Cambodia and the forecast calls for thunderstorms, high humidity and 90 degree weather, which means that Michelle is going to have a blast. I personally don't know what expect but I'm excited to again be in a situation that calls for growth and understanding.

just passing through guayaquil

*** 2/26/17

it's 8:30pm and i'm currently in the city of guayaquil inside a cuban piano bar on the outer rim of las peñas district. i just finished a 2-hour trek surveying the countless steps and dim lit alleyways of las peñas, which let me just say are countless. it's easy dismiss these alleyways as only just such; these are the front door porches of the people who live in these favela like mounds of cinderblock and rebar, which at that moment i was intruding. kids and young lovers conducted their business as i interjected my dark and sweaty mass of flesh through their world, but thankfully my parents taught me my native tongue and even though the years have chipped away at it, it still manages to get the job done.

i'm glad i made it to the top of las peñas because this club negra would've tasted a little less satisfying. why am i in guayaquil? funny story, i'm already supposed to be in galapagos but being the smart that i am, i booked myself on a flight with a 20 minute connection. did i mention that i was a smart man? deep down i knew that i probably wasn't going to going make it but thought why not give it a shot. that's been kind of my mantra most of my life and it doesn't seem like i'll be letting it go anytime soon. 

well, it seems like the mediocre piano player is getting warmed up now and with that i hold up my glass. 

2017 on a rainy friday

this morning began with a downpour of what do you call it again? oh yeah, rain. lots of it;

at least for southern california standards, which isnt much really.
and due to this wet element, i knew i wouldnt be able to drive anywhere remotely far from home so i finished watching season one of westworld and wow what a show.
i dragged myself out of bed and grabbed some lunch. it wasnt the healthiest choice and felt like a total heff so i decided to walk it off. the sky was still falling and so i asked myself where?
i didnt have to look further than the shopping center i was currently in to find the answer: costco
for the next 2 hours i weaved through every single isle of that business costco looking at paper plates, industrial size sinks, pallets full of candy/water/jerky/...etc.
i stepped inside the freezer and played it cool, literally. i didnt grab a jacket from the entrance and instantly regretted it. i walked around, took a keen liking at the ox tails pretending i was going to make a big purchase when all i was interested at were the hummus & greek yogurt packs. i began to do the math and thought about how much i spend during the week for food and i was astounded at how much more i can get if only i pre-planned and came to costco at the beginning of the week. thats when it hit me that im getting old. here i am walking around costco thinking of the steps i was getting on my pedometer, the money i could be saving on food, all the meals my non-existent wife & i could be making for the little bastards running around house but then younger early 20-year old inside of me stepped in and snapped me out of that weird loop. he then dragged me to this coffee bean where i ordered myself a medium dark roast accompanied with 2 bailey shooters. needless to say,  i feel good another year, another january and another new beginning. i dont know where 2017 will lead me but i sure hope that its far removed from 2016. 

a strange summer

it came like the big one

like the night thief you never expect
this summer came packaged in many ways
which i can’t quite put it into words

but something deep was happening.

i don’t know how but summer changed me
i flew across the atlantic to a place id long been 

avenues, alleys and churches recognized me
and after a decade of weathering i saw a familiar face
a younger, a cleaner version of myself
but i couldnt fill the gap, what would i say

that this strange land will forever change you
so i watched and decided to let him figure it out.
this clarity is haunting, i cant stop thinking about it

it's eating me from within that your face will soon be hollow

for all these words feel numb
they now are part of this alien world with no meaning
but i haven't really followed through and im sorry.

im walking in circles in the foolish comfort
that your thin lips would remain the same
but i know that is no longer true
and as much as id like to ping it
im finally going to let this pillar of salt fade   

because i can't connect with what i feel

knowing full well that there is no poetry that exists
in explaining what it is to know you.

spirit of the season

i live in a city where i hardly sense the changing of the seasons. for the most part things are relatively warm to scorching hot with a mild sprinkle of relative cold. things hardly change and ive always been a fan. but while our weather might not change as much, life does.
there is no forecast model, doppler or radar that can detect the next catastrophe.
life always finds a way to remind us that change isn't something simply confined by the falling of the leaves; that when you least expect it life will burst in and rudely remind you to buckle up.

last night, as my family and i finished eating and celebrating my little sister's 13th bday, we got news that my grandma's husband, (practically my grandfather) tony was shot 3 times in front of his house. he made it to the front porch where my grandma brought him in and called the paramedics. over the last 3 years my grandma has been in & out of the hospital and she's had a few operations for a weak heart. a few hours after the shots rang my grandma had a minor heart attack but luckily she was already at the hospital. nonetheless things did not look good.

a few days ago we were all eating thanksgiving dinner at the house. tony, eating like it was his last meal. grandma making 3 different batches of tamales. my sisters and brother in law joking with each other and telling stories with my parents. now i'm here seeing it all play in my head and i cant help but think that all of this will also pass. in the midst of this calamity i need to remind myself that God is in control and that He is good. He also speaks through these circumstances and so here goes & comes another season of change. 

summer spills and fall

i woke up from a nap that i really didnt need. i tried justifying it by the 11-hour flight i took this morning. the korean air flight from seoul to la went by quick but my friend michelle would say otherwise. im not sure how long i have to the next job/trip but for now im just glad to be home.

its been a strange summer and it doesnt feel like its over. i didnt have much sound work early on and i really cant register anything of significance happening at the airport. but then the work began to flow and a few trips began to take shape and form, which leads me to the middle of fall.

the summer whirlwind has softened and now i type. i didnt write much this summer. part of me would like to blame it on work but that wasnt it. i was and still am trying to work out some of the current and past friendships/relationships. the passion and inspiration has been lacking but not for long 

and somehow i ended up in haiti

mike and i landed in port-au-prince, haiti yesterday morning and spent the whole day speaking with UNDP leadership about the best way to document their progress with the haitians. we got some good contacts, took care of some logistics and now it's day 2. in a few moments we're going to start our 10-hour drive to Jeremie and it seems like we're in for a rough journey. but it ain't as bad when you have a morning view like this.

- merci