the sound of rubble & ash

its been a month since i woke up in the city of chicago. for some odd reason i was up way before my alarm went off. aron and brianne were still sleeping so i quietly packed my gear and stepped into the calm and breezy morning. it wouldve been a nice walk to the L but i hopped on an uber instead. halfway to o'hare was when it hit me that it was august 1st.

a day before chicago i was in the city of denver packing my gear and saying goodbye to the crew of the untitled denver project. we shot for nearly a month and through the course of some strange and unorthodox storytelling, i feel like we all made something very beautiful together. the wrap party really got going around midnight and after some tense moments and hearty goodbyes, i took off, picked up my gear, and went straight to the airport. it was 6am, i was exhausted but somehow managed to make it sort of on-time. tsa was crazy but after a few minutes in i completely zoned out. the next thing i remember is sitting in 12E getting ready to take off. as we climbed through the clouds i began to think of the last 12 months. 

a year ago i was in a similar situation. it was morning and i was headed to the airport. but instead of a calm breeze, i walked into the busy and sweltering morning of singapore.

i was a complete and utter mess. 

id just broken things off with my gf in the worst imaginable way. i paced back and forth outside her condo a few times torn at what i was about to do. as i made my way through the swarms of singaporeans riding the MRT, i began to feel invisible; kind of like marty in back to the future, you know, the part where he almost doesnt get his parents to kiss?

august 1st, 2014 mustve been the longest and most agonizing day of my life. longest because id spent that day in both changi and hong kong airports for almost 24 hours over some freaky weather delays. when i actually landed in lax it was morning and august 1st had just begun! it all felt like one huge cosmic joke. through the course of that long long day i also had to live with the fact that i just ended things with someone i loved, the girl i was going to marry and have bi-racial babies with.

i ultimately chose my career over amerie and even though she roams the halls of my heart, i knew i had to take care of myself first. there were and still are many aspects of who i am that need work and amerie pointed alot of this out to me. i owe her alot and for that i will always be indebted to her. during these 12 months ive given myself completely to my craft, which has challenged me in many ways to say the least. ive also become closer to my family, which was something that was lacking for a while. more importantly though my faith has been strengthened and the realization of how infinitely short i fall has renewed my spirit and strengthened my resolve to be better. 

my twenties were mostly all about experiencing and seeing new places, things i read about in my social studies class and it was all fun. but fun only got me so far and if thats all youre looking for then youre probably going to hurt someone you love and live a lonely life looking at your instagram pictures. im looking forward to changing gears and seeing were these thirties lead me to. God bless!